Saturday, September 12, 2009

Now Back To Our Regularly Scheduled Program

Before we get too far into this post, all Gawker Media websites are sh*t. Yes Paul, even Deadspin. Below is a hit list of why, in my opinion, anything from Gawker Media should be printed on unrecycled bleached white paper, and used to cover the floor in your puppy training pen. Here are some of the greatest hits:

  1. Alex Pareene is a Douche. A whiny, quitter of a douche at that. Alex apparently still wets his diaper over President Bush's election, and the events of 9/11/01. He thinks that reminding people of what happened that day resulted in a "vast national wave of jingoism, paranoia, dread, and fear." He criticizes the administration's handling of that day, the way the public reacted to that day, the way many liberal's lives were changed that day (some of whom proclaimed to become conservative after 9/11) and the resulting war and internment of war criminals, also known as terrorists.

    However, you'll be pleased to know that when Obama rode in on his white horse, the seas were calmed the storm subsided and now, "This is the first anniversary of that terrible day, though, that the Terrorists will not still be winning." Did you get that? He's saying that since Bush is no longer in the White House, the terrorists are no longer winning. So, either Bush was a terrorist... or reminding people of what happened that day and our actions as a nation after 9/11 were, in fact, terrorism. This passes for intelligent blog posting over at Gawker.

    *Editor's Note: What follows can be classified as righteous anger, please administer earmuffs.*


    *Editor's Note: This concludes the righteous anger section of the blog, you may remove your earmuffs. Thank you.*

    Pareene then goes on to say that Glenn Beck is a terrorist for trying to recover the feeling that we had on 9/12. Glenn is of course referring to the unity that we felt as Americans, and how we all identified with New Yorkers and those in Washington DC that day. We weren't Democrats or Republicans, we were Americans first and foremost. Alex, however, is too fricking thick to understand that. He believes that Glenn is calling for all of us to be in the state of sheer panic which gripped the city itself that day and for a few days after. He sums up his post by stating:
    "Glenn Beck is an actual terrorist, and the people attending his rally in DC tomorrow are al-Qaeda in America."
    Hey Alex, stay assy!

  2. MOMMY! They're showing that scary video again! Gabriel Snyder is a douche as well, but not nearly as obtuse as Alex. Gabriel thinks the worst way to memorialize September 11th is to show what actually happened that day. Why? Because it's hard to watch?! Boo-f*cking-hoo. This nation needs strong reminders of what it is that our enemy (who by the way is still at war with us, whether or not we are with him) is willing to do to attack and ultimately kill us. If you pussy libtards can't handle it, then I suggest you all take a vacation to France for the week and neck with some guy named Pierre who hasn't showered in a week.

  3. Matt Hardigree rounds out our trifecta of douchebaggery. Conservative calls for the boycott of purchasing a product which is manufactured by a company which is primarily owned by the government is Un-American. Hardigree, a former Democratic staffer, thinks that the "Far Right Wing Hates America!" Hey asshat, wanna know what's Un-American?! Government takeover of private enterprise. It's called socialism, and it's distinctly Un-American. Conservatives calling for the support of a privately owned business versus doing business with a Government Enterprise is called Capitalism, and that is distinctively pro-American.
Have an alternative to a Gawker Media website? Post the link in the comments, and I'll permalink it in the sidebar. Please take the time to comment!

6 People Have Had Their Say:

Skunkfeathers on September 13, 2009 at 9:54 AM said...

I never read these, to borrow a word, "twatwaffles" (one of the most inspired new words for the 21st Century), anytime around meal time, unless I want to be anorexic.

I make exceptions for the moronic scammers who email me; but the three examples you just cited, are merely posterchildren for abortions that should have been, and the Left loves abortions, so they should be left in something of a quandry on that (see what I just did here?).

classicaliberal on September 13, 2009 at 6:26 PM said...

(I did see what you did there)

It's disappointing to find out that a blog which is not political in nature and which you otherwise enjoy reading turns out to be inhabited by leftards. I'm a car nut, but Jalopnik drives me so far up the goddam wall, I can't go there any more.

Need to find a car blog with NO political leanings what-so-ever

Anonymous said...

Yeah Gawker sites are garbage, even by "LoL website" standards. Most of these e-rags are leftist to the point of ridiculousness. Sometimes it can be funny, but really, there's only a few really funny people about them. The rest are hangers on that are trying to be funny and failing miserably. Then you have your legion of beautiful idiot commenters. They sit in their underwear, lighting farts, and smoking grass all day. When they're not doing that they specialize in skipping class and taking the snark "to the next level" with their razor sharp wit. Someday they'll either graduate or flunk out of college, then comes the next generation, and we get to enjoy these know it alls until we die. Sometimes I wish that colleges were people so I could scream at them, one at a time, YOU'VE MADE ENOUGH GODDAMN LIB-TARDS ALREADY! I think this kind of realization, the realization that colleges are factories for lib-tards, genuinely sunk in when I realized my women's studies teacher didn't shave her goddamn legs and arm pits. It wasn't that she simply didn't shave them, it was that she was married to a mother fucking basket case who was also polyamorous. It's not that there's anything wrong with it, there's not. God knows we need femi-nazis and bi-sexuals. It's that we have a right to NOT take goddamn women's studies if we have a fucking PENIS! There was me and two other guys in there and NO THEY DID NOT HAVE PENISES. LOL. Now see, goddamnit, that was funny. I guess I could have gotten out of the class, but it was an easy B. I mean that in the most insulting way possible. I want to minimize the importance of women's studies and the people who teach them. Why? Because you take your goddamn shit too fucking far. Because if you have a penis the highest grade possible is a B. Take my advice: If you want to be taken seriously, douche that snatch, shave those pubes, and keep your goddamn sex life to yourself you crazy bitches. I get it that you don't feel the need to wear a bra, cool. When you get up the nerve to walk around "tits out" I promise I'll have the nerve to honk the flabby mother fuckers.

Right on?

Right on!

classicaliberal on September 14, 2009 at 9:54 PM said...

BRH- You need to break out of your shell. Stop holding back, you know, come out and say what you mean.

Poor, shy kid.

Anonymous said...

I know it... I know. In between my bouts of drunken depression, writing poetry, and playing my tear jerking violin... I like to save the world you know... one women's studies student at a time. Does that make me a patriot, a patriotard, or a pinhead? Where the f#@k is O'reilly when I need him. Not that I like him, but he would be fun to poke and prod... maybe even alien probe. Yeah, him and Karl with a "K" Rove. One of his twitter updates complained of the 102 degree heat in Austin, TX. I tweeted him back and asked him what he thought the temperature in Iraq was.... He didn't reply. He's my cute Cobra with the fangs pulled, in a box with me the mongoose, and there we are in Thailand... Spec Ops soldiers and super spies betting on us. They pulled his fangs after GWB. Don't worry, we won't hurt him, but we all love to toy with "Terd Blossom". (That's what GWB used to call him, no shit. Nice pun right?)

Anonymous said...

There was something else though... I forget it now. Oh yeah, time to light a fart and impress the freshmen.


I Am Classicaliberal And You Should, Too!. Copyright 2009-2010 All Rights Reserved Revolution Two Church theme by Brian Gardner Converted into Blogger Template by Bloganol dot com Background Image Courtesy bama287