Monday, March 29, 2010

Only In California

Yeah, that's a Prius with Dubs and a Body Kit.  That's how we roll!

A friend who works for a state official reported that they have today off. What, you don't know about the holiday of today?! What are you, some kind of holiday denier? Oh! That's right, you're probably not from California and don't know about all the batshit crazy things we do here. Good news for you, I am going to attempt to compile a list of some of them so you can learn. Ready? Only in California:

  • We celebrate illegal immigration. March 31st is Cesar Chavez day in CA and 7 other states. It's the day that California has set aside to celebrate Cesar Chavez's contribution to provide illegal immigrants with better working conditions. !Viva California!

  • The courts protect useless fish. What, your fish aren't court protected? In California, we provide legal rights to fish. Especially bait fish. Why? Who the f*ck knows. Apparently, Delta Smelt are on the brink of extinction because they're so goddam stupid that they swim into pumps designed to move water from California's delta system into the aqueduct system which supplies water to everywhere else in the state. No water, means no agriculture in central California. No Ag means no grapes, tomatoes, almonds, cotton, peaches, apples, citrus, roses, garlic, onions and virtually every other selection in your produce department.

  • We have unelected bureaucrats that dictate pollution standards for the rest of the nation! Drive a truck? Know someone who does? Ask them about DPF's and Urea. Diesel Particulate Filters are part of a heavy trucks emissions equipment which collect and trap diesel particulates. Everyone in the nation who owns a truck has or will have one of these in the very near future because California's Air Resources Board says so! You see, when DPF systems and ACR systems were added to trucks, the conservative cost increases for each technology were roughly 10% of the cost of the vehicle. Figure an average class 8 truck runs about $110,000 then do the math. All courtesy of California!

  • If it's yellow, let it mellow, but if it's brown flush it down. Have you ever given a thought to what to do with your business once you've, you know, off loaded it? We do in California. See, since about 1987, we've been in a perpetual state of drought. This means when you finish up, you have to remember, if it's yellow, let it mellow. This means that you don't flush. I'll let your mind take it away from there.

  • We let gay men take over a downtown street and perform explicit sexual acts in public. What, you don't do this in your home town? It's called the Folsom Street Fair and there are pictures of it up at Zombie Time. The link is here, but do not click it unless you haven't eaten recently and there are no kids within a quarter mile. EXTREME CONTENT WARNING.
So now that you're all jealous and stuff, California is just aching to have you! Hell, we've only lost 112 businesses explicitly seeking another location from which to conduct business. Probably has something to do with the tax rate:
  • California's State/Local Tax Burden is above the national average

  • California's 2010 Business Tax Climate ranks 48th nationally.

  • California's Top Individual Income Tax Rate is 4th highest in the nation.

  • California's Corporate Income Tax Rate is highest in the west.

  • California's Sales Tax Rate is highest in the nation
As long as we're on the subject of how great California is, here's a list from The Business Relocation Coach of the top ten reasons businesses leave California.
#10 -- Unfair Taxes: The Tax Foundation in their newest report lists California at No. 48 for tax fairness – ahead of only New York and New Jersey.

#9 -- Most Expensive Business Locations: The Rose Institute of State and Local Government reported in the latest "Cost of Doing Business Survey" that California cities continue to be some of the most expensive locations to do business in the United States.

#8 -- Worst Performing Labor: The Pacific Research Institute found that California’s labor performance in a recent five-year period is among the worst performing in the nation.

#7 -- Dreadful Legal Treatment: The Civil Justice Association of California said the state ranks 44th in legal fairness to business. Los Angeles was again named the least fair and reasonable litigation environment in the entire country.

#6 -- Worst Regulatory Burden: A study by the consulting firm Bain & Co. measured the cost, uncertainty and complexity of regulations and in constructing a “regulatory hassle index” found that "California is farworse than any other state by a very significant margin."

#5 -- Harsh Treatment Motivates Exists: Again Bain & Co. (they’re a busy group) found that more than half of California business leaders – an astonishing 60 percent – said they have policies in place to restrict job growth in the state or move jobs to other U.S. locations.

#4 -- Downright Unfriendliness:: The Small Business & Entrepreneurship Council in Virginia found that California ranked 49th overall in terms of business friendliness.

#3 -- High Misery Index: The Associated Press calculates what it calls a monthly "misery index" – California is close to the bottom of the list.

#2 -- Uncontrollable Spending: Extravagant state spending continues and pollsters have found people are much angrier about California government – more than they've ever been in recorded polling history.

And the #1 reason why California companies are calling the moving companies” – Chief Executive magazine recently found California to be the worst state in the nation in which to do business. Texas was found to be the best.

It’s no wonder that California has lost more than one million jobs in recent years while Texas employment levels have remained relatively stable.>
So, you know, we got that going for us. What've you got?!

Please take the time to comment! Click the Informed Opinion Link adjacent to the Post Title.

2 People Have Had Their Say:

Andy on March 29, 2010 at 2:32 PM said...

CL, I hear ya'! As gorgeous a place as CA is, it is truly a chore.

When I lived in Colorado in the early 90's, people were pouring in there from The Golden State for just the reasons you state...and I'm sure it's worse now.

The native Coloradans called them "CaliFornicators." But, I liked ALL of them that I met. Of course, I was an outsider, too...but from a different Universe here in the Southeast.

Funny...the first time I ever heard "if it's yellow let it mellow, yada yada..." was when I lived in CO. Actually, it was a lady from Elko, NV that had settled in the area. Same drought, I reckon...

Cesar Chavez day...sigh...

But, at least y'all don't have humidity.

classicaliberal on March 29, 2010 at 9:57 PM said...

Andy- I'd give my left elbow to be living anyplace else in the union, except maybe New York, New Jersey and Hawaii. California is a pit of despair. There's no good reason to live in the state. I'm working to get my family out of here, but unfortunately it isn't as easy as picking up and moving. Need a job to move for/to.


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