Shamelessly Stolen Week

I owe you one for Wednesday, so here you go. Consider this the make up.

Welcome to Shamelessly Stolen Week! In light of the fact that I've stolen the themed week idea from The Mayor, lets pay honor to entrepreneurial thieves everywhere!

Next up: The world's biggest Napster fans, Metallica!

What's that you say? Welcome Home (Sanitarium) sounds just like Bleak House's Rainbow Warrior? To that I say, well shit, the original was named Rainbow Warrior. Of course, this raises the question, what kind of fag would lift a song named Rainbow Warrior. The answer, of course, is James Hetfield, Lars Ulrich, Kirk Hammett and Cliff 'Em All' Burton. Hetfield knowingly 'lifted' the riff from another band, but stated that the band will 'remain anonymous'.

Ask yourself, what is the most famous Metallica song of all time? That's right Ripoff Sandman!

Enter Sandman is a nearly direct ripoff of Excel's Tapping Into The Emotional Void. With a name as catchy as that, it makes you wonder why the song never made it mainstream? Hmmm...

Lesson learned. Keep your guitar riffs and Napster account away from Hetfield, Hammett, Ulrich and whoever that new guy is.

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Shamelessly Stolen Week

Welcome to Shamelessly Stolen Week! In light of the fact that I've stolen the themed week idea from The Mayor, lets pay honor to entrepreneurial thieves everywhere!

Next up is Celebutard, and pants wetter, Fergie.

I know it's shocking to hear that a 'star' who rose to fame via the Mickey Mouse Club and calls herself "Fergie Ferg" is actually a thieving music whore. Alas, it is true. As you may or may not know, Fergalicious belongs to a group by the name of 'The Lazy Eyed Susan's" or some shit. Anyway, turns out they like the five finger discount on their music, as well.



Huh... To say that Adam Freeland was a little peeved his song Mancry was stolen, would be an understatement. Reportedly, lawyers between the Lazy Eyes and Freeland have been in contact. Run you thieving whores run!!


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Shamelessly Stolen Week

Welcome to Shamelessly Stolen Week! In light of the fact that I've stolen the themed week idea from The Mayor, lets pay honor to entrepreneurial thieves everywhere!

First up, 'The Greatest Rock Band of All Time!'

That's right, Led Zeppelin is a group of thieving whores. Apparently, Jake Homes wrote a letter asking Jimmy Page for acknowledgement, but is still waiting...

But, it's all good cause they wrote Stairway to Heaven, arguably the most recognizable rock song in history. Uh, yeah... about that.

Whoops... Sorry about that Spirit. It's just a wicked coincidence that our song Stairway to Heaven sounds almost identical to your song Taurus... Trust us. The fact that Led Zeppelin opened for Spirit on their first US tour has absolutely nothing to do with it.

If you're going to write any music, whatsoever, do NOT ask Jimmy Page for creative input.

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National Offend A Feminist Week

It's 'National Offend A Feminist Week' according to Doug Ross. Who am I to disagree?

That's right, blame the angry looking broad across the table. Lord knows, if it's screwed up, there's a woman somewhere close by. Hell, it probably tastes funny cause she's trying to poison your chauvinistic butt.

What have we learned this week?

• Whatever you do, don't tell women they're useful
  
• Women should know their place, and stay in the damn kitchen
  
• Women cannot drive worth nothin'
  
• It's perfectly acceptable to kill a woman
  
• Finally, that if it's screwed up, she's to blame.
  

Yup, that should get the feminists good and steamed. Now if you'll excuse me, I have this list of things my wife has been bugging me about for a week. When that's done, I have to cook dinner and vacuum the carpet, wash the dishes, do the laundry...

Be sure to check out The Mayor's own In Shape Week! As you may be aware, this is a link to yesterday's In Shape Week post. Be sure to poke around to find today's!

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iOwnTheWorld

Why the Hell aren't you reading iOwnTheWorld?!? What's wrong with you? Go now, do it!

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National Offend A Feminist Week

It's 'National Offend A Feminist Week' according to Doug Ross. Who am I to disagree?

There's some sort of rule about having a tag and whether or not they're in season, but I believe the answer is yes. You see, there is clearly nothing wrong with this picture. She is being openly defiant in front of other coworkers, and challenging his authority. He would be well within his rights. I'm just saying...

Be sure to check out The Mayor's own In Shape Week! This is a link to Yesterday's In Shape. Be sure to stick around his place to see today's!

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National Offend A Feminist Week

It's 'National Offend A Feminist Week' according to Doug Ross. Who am I to disagree?

So, so far this week we've determined that women should not be told they're useful, they should remain in the kitchen and now we learn that they cannot drive. Well, 'learn'... we already knew. This just happens to be confirmation. You ever get behind a short woman driving a minivan?! Oy!

Be sure to check out The Mayor's own In Shape Week!

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National Offend A Feminist Week

It's 'National Offend A Feminist Week' according to Doug Ross. Who am I to disagree?

Finally, a woman who knows her place. That is, if this rug is in the kitchen. Otherwise, she's in deep caca. Just saying.

Be sure to check out The Mayor's own In Shape Week!

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National Offend A Feminist Week

It's 'National Offend A Feminist Week' according to Doug Ross. Who am I to disagree?

Never tell a woman that she's useful.  You're likely to get their hopes up.  I mean, what the hell are we supposed to do with them when the war is over?  Looks like this broad is using a grinder.  I sure hope that grinder is in the kitchen, or there is going to be hell to pay when her husband gets home.

In keeping with this week's theme, Paul suggests you become a fan of this Failbook Group.

Be sure to check out The Mayor's own 'In Shape Week'!

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Demotivational Week

Welcome to Demotivational Week, where life sucks and the sooner you realize it, the sooner you can point and laugh at those who haven't figured it out yet.All of the

Since, you're here, I'd like a number 3 no cheese & extra pickles, extra large with a Coke.

Demotivators featured this week are available for purchase at Dispair, Inc.

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Demotivational Week

Welcome to Demotivational Week, where life sucks and the sooner you realize it, the sooner you can point and laugh at those who haven't figured it out yet.

This is one of those Demotivators that makes you ask, 'Am I winning?' Of course the answer is, 'No.' You're still paying taxes aren't you? Well then, you're losing, idiot.

All of the Demotivators featured this week are available for purchase at Dispair, Inc.

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Demotivational Week

Welcome to Demotivational Week, where life sucks and the sooner you realize it, the sooner you can point and laugh at those who haven't figured it out yet.

Just when you think you can't, this demotivational message tells you to keep on keepin' on. Really, the rest of us need a good laugh.

BTW, is that a picture of Skunks?!

All of the Demotivators featured this week are available for purchase at Dispair, Inc.

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Demotivational Week

Welcome to Demotivational Week, where life sucks and the sooner you realize it, the sooner you can point and laugh at those who haven't figured it out yet.

There's your sobering thought for the day, you and your menial labor job are expendable. Soon robots will be doing your tasks, at 5 times the rate generating only 1/20th of the cost. Hooray. Now, get back to work, because the robot technology is coming, but it's not ready yet. It'll probably be ready just 4 years prior to your planned retirement date. Too early for you to collect social security, and with you not having quite enough in your retirement account. You'll be in your 60's looking for a job. Look out Walmart, here come a wave of new greeters!

All of the Demotivators featured this week are available for purchase at Dispair, Inc.

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Demotivational Week

Welcome to Demotivational Week, where life sucks and the sooner you realize it, the sooner you can point and laugh at those who haven't figured it out yet.

Few Demotivators can describe exactly what is happening at all levels of government in this nation better than this one. Still they plug away, striving, pulling reaching for what? Nobody is really certain. Thank you big brother!

All of the Demotivators featured this week are available for purchase at Dispair, Inc.

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World's Greatest Inventions Week

Welcome to World's Greatest Inventions Week, where we take a peak at the pinnacle of human ingenuity!

Screw privacy filters and screen blockers it's time for a wearable sollution! The Screen Sock is your only true 100% screen blocker. Wearing the Screen Sock is the only way to guarantee that no one other than the wearer will be able to view your screen. Added bonus, keeps your head warm. It's the only 100% screen block solution. When it absolutely, positively has to be visually secured, Screen Sock.

I guess it's the only safe way to view pr0n while aboard an aircraft...

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Crunk In a Cruiser

Smooth taste, less filling criminal

Meet Tasha Lee Cantrell, 19 of Fort Walton Beach, FL. You may be asking yourself, what could such a seemingly young and innocent looking girl do to earn a mugshot? Since you asked:

The 19-year-old Floridian was riding in a car early Monday morning when the vehicle's driver was pulled over and arrested for DUI. As a tow truck arrived to remove her friend's car, a stranded Cantrell asked Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office Deputy Mitchell Landis for a ride home to her Fort Walton Beach residence. Landis agreed, but only after checking Cantrell's purse for any contraband, according to an offense report. While chauffeuring Cantrell, Landis heard the teenager "open a can of some sort" in the back of the cruiser. "As I looked at my in car video I observed Cantrell drinking out of an unknown can." Landis stopped his car and, upon further investigation, determined that Cantrell had popped open a can of Steel Reserve, a malt liquor known for its high alcohol content.

Be sure to check out the TSG report, and for an added bonus watch the video! Exit question and answer:

"Why do you think you can drink a beer in the back of a cop car?" The handcuffed woman could only respond, "I have no right answer for you."

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World's Greatest Inventions Week

Welcome to World's Greatest Inventions Week, where we take a peak at the pinnacle of human ingenuity!

We're well into spring time here on the left coast, which means that it's allergy season. So when the grass getsta mowin', or the farmers getsta farmin', or the wind getsta blowin' those of us with allergies slide the barrel of a revolver in our mouths an contemplate ending it all. I've found the Cranial Toilet Paper Dispenser to be a much more agreeable option. With it's highly stylish appearance and undeniable 'cool factor' you're sure to be the life of any party when you wear the Cranial Toilet Paper Dispenser.

*Batteries not included.

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World's Greatest Inventions Week

Welcome to World's Greatest Inventions Week, where we take a peak at the pinnacle of human ingenuity!

Men of San Francisco, rejoice! Screw the natural order of things, now you can nurse, too. With Funbag Co's latest invention, the Boobinator, any flat-chested and emasculated male can breast feed like a pro! Just mix the solution, fill the breast pouches and warm in the microwave for 30 seconds.  It's just that easy!  No more messy bottles, or breast pumps, just safe sterile plastic nipples!  Bottles and straps come in a selection of colors including, nude, lily-white, dark chocolate, and many more.

*No children or dolls were harmed in the making of this advertisement.  The same cannot, however, be said should you actually attempt to use the Boobinator to breast feed any child.  Not intended to cure, diagnose, treat or prevent your mother issues. Void where prohibited. Use as directed.

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Worlds Greatest Inventions!

Welcome to World's Greatest Inventions Week, where we take a peak at the pinnacle of human ingenuity!

First up is this beaut!

Hoping to capitalize on the success of their famous army knife, the Swiss have tried several other designs. None, however, are quite as popular as the Swiss Army Garden Tool. As functional as it is light and compact, the SAGT is the invention which ushered farming into the 21st Century. Just imagine, before the SAGT, people actually had to lug about separate tools to complete the jobs that only one SAGT can do. If you think this is great, you should see the Swiss Army sex toy!

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Crazy Portrait Week

It's Crazy Portrait Week, here at IACLAYST, and that means we take a look back at that special time in your life when you took extra long to get that hair just right and pick out the perfect outfit so that we could all laugh at your epic failure. From each and every one of us, thank you so very much.

Our final contestant is Dieter.

Dieter played the title roll in his high school's Peter Pan play. After graduating he went on to star in several off Broadway hits including The Vagina Monologues, Girls Night The Musical, Who's Eating Gilbert's Grapes?, I'm a Proper Southern Lady (pictured above), and most recently What's So Wrong With Wearing Your Mother's Pantyhose?!. Dieter hopes to one day star in a on Broadway production and/or be John Edwards lover.

Thanks for viewing Crazy Portrait Week!

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